Wah wah

Teacher: "The manatee is related to the elephant. That means their genetic make-up is similar."

What student hears:

Teacher: "Manatees wah wah wah wah make-up wah wah."

Student reply: "Ms. M, manatees don't wear make-up."

Milk

Teacher: Cheetahs drink milk from their mothers until they are about 3 months. Then they can begin eating meat.

Student: Why don't they just hunt the cows and drink their milk?

Christmas Wishes

Teacher: So, Bambi, are you looking forward to getting anything special for Christmas?

Bambi: Well...I'm hoping that Santa will make it so I can fly. Yeah, I want to be able to fly!

Where Babies Come From

Teacher: Who knows what holiday is in October? Yes, Tommy? 

Student: When I was born I was facing the wrong way so I had to come out of my mother's penis instead of her tummy. 

Teacher: Um... 

Really Deep

[10-year-old boy to Teacher at lunch - Jewish day school]

Student: Are you Jewish?

Teacher: No, I'm not.

Student: Really? ...Why not? What are you?

Teacher: I'm non-denominational.

Student: ... [crickets]

Teacher: Meaning, my faith is comprised of many different elements of spirituality. I do not adhere to the practices or beliefs of one specific religion.

Student: ... [blink blink]

Teacher: I mean, I am me and this is the world around me. I am still trying to understand how the two are connected spiritually.

Student: So, you're not Jewish.

Teacher: No, I'm not.

Student: Are you a fortune cookie?

Teacher: ... [blink blink] Yes.

Laugh It Up

[7 year old girl approaches Teacher after lunch]

Student: Ms. Morris...?

Teacher: Yes, Petra?

Student: Sometimes I laugh really hard and some pee comes out.

Teacher: Thank you for sharing.

The Onset of Puberty

Student to Hebrew School Teacher

Teacher: Jake, do you know when you'll be making your Bar Mitzfah yet?

Student: No, Rabbi says I have to wait until I have hair down there.

Teacher: Ummm... Are you sure that's what Rabbi told you. That doesn't seem right.

Student: Uh-huh. He said when I make my Bar Mitzfah, it's when I'm ready to become a man. So every morning before school, I check down there for pubic hair, and when I get my first one I'm going to tell him so that he knows I'm really ready to become a man.

Teacher: ???